If emptiness, sadness and a lack of focus are hanging around your door, what can you do?
Start by owning where you are
Own your current situation. That's the first step. Don't try to mask it, especially not to yourself.
This clarity matters. Take a piece of paper and write down everything you no longer want today, everything that no longer serves you. Then accept the situation, however bad it looks. It is your starting point.
Look at the bigger picture
Many things on our path don't go the way we expected. To learn from them, we need a wider view. Be an observer of the facts, as if you could watch what is happening from the outside, without holding on to the emotions. Let it flow.
Conflicts and obstacles are chances to become better and to free ourselves from limiting beliefs. Be grateful for what comes to you. Take your opportunities instead of denying them, passing them on or neglecting them. Transcend!
Take what is yours, and leave the rest
Accept what is yours, and grow with it. What belongs to someone else is not yours. Leave it with them and come back to your own raft. You will need your energy and your focus there.
Don't get distracted pretending to solve other people's problems. I know it's much easier. It just won't help.
Know what you really like
Own your true tastes and what really matters to you. Some people don't know what they like, because they're not used to choosing for themselves.
To make true choices, we often have to be on our own. We won't always find someone who wants the same things we do, and for people who never try it, that can bring a false feeling of emptiness.
I say false, because emptiness doesn't come from being alone. If it did, only twins would make it through the nine months before birth! Jokes aside, emptiness comes mostly from values that got distorted: consuming just to consume, or to belong to a group. That never fills us. It only makes us want more, and more again.
Listen to your inner voice
Instead of following trends, listen to your inner voice. That's how you'll know where to go and what to do, even on your own. Simple as it sounds, that's where your real treasure is: your own true answers.
Silence and the breath can help you find it.
Turn your direction into habits
Once you know where you are and where you want to go, notice the actions that take you in that direction, and turn them into habits. Notice also the ones that take you away from it, and let them go little by little, without extremes that don't last.
Remember the bigger picture! Be persistent and keep an eye on yourself. Adjust the direction whenever you need to. When you lose focus, don't blame yourself. Just come back to your direction. Falls are part of the recipe. They're in the script.
The pain is about direction
The pain doesn't come from not having what you want. It comes from not being on the right path.
Once more: observe yourself. What you are able to do for a long time, with nothing in return and with no one knowing, says a lot about you.
When you are truly sure that your actions are taking you where you want to go, sadness makes room for motivation. If you're not there yet, keep adjusting along the way. Keep searching, and when your focus becomes as clear as the sun, you'll feel it light you up from the inside.
Your step today
Take a piece of paper and write two lists: what you no longer want, and where you want to go. Then choose one small action for this week that points in that direction.
If you'd like company on that path, Breakthrough Sessions (Personal coaching) are where I do this work one to one, online, in English and Portuguese. I won't tell you what to do. I guide the conversation so you find your own answers and the next step that is true to your life.