Many people think brave people don't feel fear. They do. They just don't let fear make the decision.
Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's acting from the heart with the fear still there.
The fear that stops most people
Of all the fears I see in my work, fear of rejection might be the one that stops people most. We don't send the message. We don't ask the question. We don't show the work. Not because we can't, but because of what others might think.
Help from other people matters. But in the end, the courage is yours, and so is what you gain from it.
Start with your values
When a decision is hard, I go back to three values I carry every day: truth, simplicity and courage.
- Truth: what is most true to me here?
- Simplicity: what is the clear, transparent way to do this?
- Courage: what would I do if I acted from my heart?
Values don't take the fear away. They make the choice easier, because you already know what matters.
If you haven't named yours yet, take a few minutes this week and write down three words you want to guide your life. Not the values you think you should have. The ones that are already true for you on your best days.
Make the first step easy
Big brave moves are rare. Most courage happens in everyday moments: one honest sentence, one message you send, one question you ask in a meeting.
So don't wait to feel ready. Choose one step so easy that you can take it today. Every promise you keep to yourself builds trust in yourself, and that trust is what courage stands on.
Breathe with the fear
When fear shows up, the body reacts first. The chest gets tight and we hold our breath.
Before you act, try this: breathe in through the nose in four short sips, then breathe out in one long breath. Do four rounds, then breathe normally and notice. It brings you back to the present moment, where the step actually happens.
You are not trying to make the fear disappear. You are giving it room, so it doesn't run the show. I see this again and again in Rebirthing: when we breathe into what scares us, the hard moment still happens, but it goes lighter.
Notice what you gained
After the step, stop for a moment and notice. Maybe the answer was yes. Maybe it was no. Either way, you showed up for yourself, and the next step gets easier.
Conceição, who practised Rebirthing with me, put it like this: "It was freeing. Today I can be a more secure, braver person." (Translated from Portuguese)
Courage grows with practice. Not in one day, but one step at a time.
Your step this week
Here is a question to take with you: what is one thing you would do this week if fear of rejection didn't decide for you?
Write it down. Then take the first, easiest step.
If you'd like company on that path, Breakthrough Sessions (Personal coaching) are where I do this work one to one. I won't tell you what to do. I guide the conversation so you find your own answers and the next step that is true to your life.